First paragraph's fine. Second one, I would change to this:
We are obviously adapting slightly. We are playing a virtual version of the game within the real world -- instead of bringing the lemon to a partner and handing it off to be "hidden" again, the lemon finders report their find and the relocation on the journal.
Sound okay? (I'm an editor in real life, can you tell? :-) )
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2012-06-09 02:40 am (UTC)We are obviously adapting slightly. We are playing a virtual version of the game within the real world -- instead of bringing the lemon to a partner and handing it off to be "hidden" again, the lemon finders report their find and the relocation on the journal.
Sound okay? (I'm an editor in real life, can you tell? :-) )