An open letter to all motorists in the ‘Chicagoland area’, as it is so delightfully called.

Dear Fellow Chicagoans, as you are so delightfully never called,

Wherever you are trying to go, it is not as exciting as you think it will be; really, I promise you that it isn’t.  In fact, at this time of the morning your destination is most likely the building in which you are employed to sit for the next eight hours and therefore the most unexciting place you could possibly be going, considering you already know what you will be doing once you arrive – surfing the internet.  Plus, though you have just now experienced the unspeakable thrill of accelerating to forty miles per hour for a fleeting moment rather than slightly easing the pressure of your foot on the gas pedal, there is a red light several yards ahead of you at which you will be forced to bring your vehicle to a full and complete stop anyway.  You will not be able to ignore this traffic signal, no matter how illegal or expeditious that might be, due to the undeniable fact that there are other cars already stopped there before you.  I assure you that this is the case in the unlikely event you are operating a motor vehicle but are unable to see this for yourself because you have been issued a driver’s license in error and are actually stone cold blind.

( Read more... )

An open letter to all motorists in the ‘Chicagoland area’, as it is so delightfully called.

Dear Fellow Chicagoans, as you are so delightfully never called,

Wherever you are trying to go, it is not as exciting as you think it will be; really, I promise you that it isn’t.  In fact, at this time of the morning your destination is most likely the building in which you are employed to sit for the next eight hours and therefore the most unexciting place you could possibly be going, considering you already know what you will be doing once you arrive – surfing the internet.  Plus, though you have just now experienced the unspeakable thrill of accelerating to forty miles per hour for a fleeting moment rather than slightly easing the pressure of your foot on the gas pedal, there is a red light several yards ahead of you at which you will be forced to bring your vehicle to a full and complete stop anyway.  You will not be able to ignore this traffic signal, no matter how illegal or expeditious that might be, due to the undeniable fact that there are other cars already stopped there before you.  I assure you that this is the case in the unlikely event you are operating a motor vehicle but are unable to see this for yourself because you have been issued a driver’s license in error and are actually stone cold blind.

( Read more... )