Fair warning...

[impulsereader]

Yesterday turned out to be a weird day during which I wandered almost aimlessly in search of lemons. Consequently, the pictures are weird as well. Weirdness

I really should have known that the day would take an odd turn, considering...

I was walking along and seeing a couple of examples of patchy chalk text.

Then -



This was, unsurprisingly, outside a bar. So, I wasn't too fussed; it had obviously been done before anyone started drinking because it was legible and would have required more light than just the street lamps. Here are some of the more interesting patches.









It wasn't until I crossed the street that I realized Loyola isn't giving their students enough course work, because these kids are out spamming the sidewalk.



This was one of my favorites, since it allowed some leeway.





It just got better.





I had to purposely shade this one so it would show up.



And on the other side of the same tree...



I liked how the tree shadow sort of echoed the chalk swirls.



So I'll impress these last thoughts upon all of you...





...and we'll move on.

So anyway, I'd gone out with some vague idea of possibly going to the Art Institute to check out any Vernet they might have, and I still have a ton of $ on my CTA card from the Loop Lemon day, so I went into the city, basically for kicks. I got off at Lake and the station has a (very short) pedway into the department store which will not be named. So far, relatively normal.

Except that a display with fake bananas reminded me that internet shopping is not always everything it is cracked up to be considering the delay involved. Might I be within reach of indestructible lemons? This thought led me to wander through four floors of this place - and I found plenty of lemons, but not one of them was for sale.



















I swear to you that I contemplated stealing the display lemons.

This led me to wonder, where do they get them? Am I dependent on the internet? Where the HELL does one acquire fake lemons? And I knew, really, in my heart of hearts, that what I should do was proceed to the nearest Pier 1 - everyone has an equivalent, it is the headquarters of useless things - without passing Go, without pausing to collect my $200. But I was downtown and on foot, and I had no idea where the nearest Pier 1 was, and I sort of still wanted to go to the museum - so I dithered.

I went into two art supply stores. I don't know! I thought they would have odd things - and they did. I was possibly imagining I would make my own lemons; even I couldn't mess that up, it's a circular sort of object with sort of pointy ends.







Then I went so far as to stop for lunch at a Panda Express to consider my options. PE is the McDonald's equivalent of chinese. You don't eat there if you have a taste for chinese, the only reason you go to one is if you have a taste for PE. This was, in keeping with the day, very odd for me. It turned out that Fate was just setting me up to get the most Sherlockian fortune cookie EVER.



Then, outside the AI was a busker with a violin - clearly Sherlock was telling me to go in.



Except it was now after 1 and that is too late to warrant spending $18 for admission, so the gift shop had a chance to mock me with its display lemons.



Eventually, I ended up at Target - don't we all?

No luck.



Though these two things did each include one lemon...





and the fruit vase-filler had two very tiny lemons



And, by the way, there is something truly worrying about this!



Dorothy as pinup - well, I suppose even back then they had Judy on diet pills.

So, anyway, I finally made it to the Pier 1. Right inside the door -





So I grabbed four - and then I Turned Around



Guys - they had a citrus rack. There were not, unfortunately, grapefruit - and I'm extremely relieved now that Douglas isn't a maverick grapefruit fancier rather than a traditionalist - but everything there was citrus - lemon, orange, lime. This makes it a citrus rack.

So I plunked down $10 for a bag of fake lemons and now I just need to work out the best way to tag them and get some - I don't know, varnish? - and we're up and running!

Comments

[pargoletta.livejournal.com]

I kind of suspect an art project by the Loyola students there. And, I must admit, I was wondering if the trip to The Nameless Department Store would end with the theft of a fake lemon! Somehow, that strikes me as a very Douglas-y thing to do.

Mazel tov to you on your newly acquired bag of fake lemons, though. Pier 1 is just the sort of deeply weird place to have them. Every time I go into a Pier 1, the same thoughts pop into my head:

1) What the hell is that smell? Did a potpourri plant just die in here?

2) How can such basically inoffensive household items be arranged so as to look so astonishingly ugly?

3) What the hell is that smell?

[impulsereader.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was in and out pretty quickly. It really is a store that stocks not one single thing that anyone actually needs - except when you need a fake lemon.

My palms were itching the entire time and I was thinking, 'can I get arrested for stealing something that doesn't have a price tag on it?'

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

Your lemon-inspired ramblings look like so much fun! I wish I could have accompanied you! :-)

Also, I sent something about the Dorothy pinup Barbie to a friend of mine who's doing a series on her blog about weird and disturbing toys. Because that is SERIOUSLY weird and disturbing.

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

And sidewalk slogans that say things like "Be the person who supports a cause!" bring out the devil in me. I want to scrawl some really obnoxious cause under it -- "Club baby seals!" -- just to teach 'em not to be so generic. ;-)

[impulsereader.livejournal.com]

It ended up being pretty fun, though random.

On the shelf next to the Dorothy barbie was a dancing with the stars barbie which was offensive in a whole different way.

Ha, yes, I need to start traveling with a piece of chalk as well as a lemon so I will be ready to tack 'club baby seals!' at the end of all these interesting signs I keep finding. I could just have stickers made up.

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

That would be taking devilishness to heights that would leave even Douglas in awe. :-)

[impulsereader.livejournal.com]

Well, I think we already have plenty of proof that I tend to run with things. Most of the time they don't end up being scissors...

[impulsereader.livejournal.com]

Oh my god! I had totally missed her stockings before! She has sex stockings with little blue bows! Who does this? How does something like that get shown to someone and he or she goes, 'yup. that works. get it on shelves.'?

[nuranar.livejournal.com]

That first chalk picture is the second line from the song "You Are My Sunshine." :)

[impulsereader.livejournal.com]

There was another that read, 'Hello, is it you I'm searching for?' but it was half-shaded by a lamp post and virtually un-pictureable. Random song lyrics = awesome.